i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
