My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
