my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
