According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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