He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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