I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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