She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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