I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
