just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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