quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Shame is for Republicans.
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