Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
