I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
