Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
