sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
