I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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