my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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