i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
