I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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