Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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