I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
