the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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