I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
