you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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