That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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