Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
