i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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