i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
