The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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