Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
