i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
