Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
