I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
