it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize