I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
