apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
