ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
