I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
