it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
