A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
