dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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