good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
