hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
