This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
