omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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