I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Say something about gay babies.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize