Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
