you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
