I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
