Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
