Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
