i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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