She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
