I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
