Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
