just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
