I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
