my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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