and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
