you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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