well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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