I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
