I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
