I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
