If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
