how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
