when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
