I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize