my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
